


Talking To The Stars

by starksparker



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: F/M, Nightmares, Rambling, Star Gazing, Stars, venting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-02-25
Packaged: 2019-03-23 20:09:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13795371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starksparker/pseuds/starksparker
Summary: In which Peter finds comfort in talking to the stars.





	Talking To The Stars

The sky glimmered with distant stars barely visible thanks to the dancing city lights. Peter’s head laid on the grey pavement of a Queens rooftop, his hands interlocked over his abdomen that’s covered with the Spider-Man suit. His mask is laid out on the side of him and his feet are crossed, one of them slightly tapping as he talks to the sky.

“I saved a dog today. That was really cool and it was so happy.” Peter beams at the sky. “Golden Retriever puppy, almost hit by a car but I saved him and then I went to Gino’s and bought him a hot dog. He didn’t have a collar or anything and he was kind of dirty so I think he might be a stray. But, anyway, he really liked the hot dog so I kind of bought him another one. And then I walked him to that shelter, you know, the one right down the street? They’re a no-kill shelter and they were really nice. They were gonna scan him and see if he had a chip and maybe some owners.” Peter sighs as the soft smile falters. “I think I might go back tomorrow and see if they know anything. I don’t...he’s just a puppy so it’s okay if he doesn’t. Someone will adopt him soon but maybe it’d be nice if I came by again. He seemed to like me. I don’t know. Is that stupid?”

He stays quiet for a few minutes, as if he were waiting for the stars to answer him. He checks his phone to see it was reaching after ten at night. A text from May was plastered across his screen.

_“When are you going to be home? Be safe, Peter.”_

“May’s good, by the way.” Peter says softly as he starts replying to May. “She has some bad days still, but she’s good. I don’t think she blames anyone anymore. And she smiles a lot now. She just,” Peter sighs as he rests the cracked phone face down on his stomach. “She worries about me and I get it, ya know? But I really wish she wouldn't. I'm fine and it's all okay. She doesn't like me doing this but...I like being Spider-Man and I have to do it. If I don't do this, bad things are gonna happen and it'll my fault. May says that's not true but it is. It's like...if there's a fire and someone calls 911 but the firefighters decide they're just not gonna go. If someone dies or gets hurt, it's their fault. They had a job to do and they chose not to.” Peter grabs his phone from his stomach as it vibrates. “I told her that and...I think she understands but she still doesn't want me doing this.” Peter finishes as he reads over Mays reply.

_“I'll have your food ready for you.”_

“But, I should head home. It's late and May has food. To anyone who might be listening up there, thanks.” Peter side smiles before sitting up and pulling the mask over his face. He gets up from the ground and walks to the edge of the building, taking in the sights before shooting a web and swinging from building to building to get home.

Talking to the stars is something Peter has grown custom to in the last year. It’s comforting. Something just tells him that maybe, someone is out there listening to him. Maybe it’s some higher power or maybe it’s his Uncle Ben but someone, nonetheless. It makes him feel like the weight of the world isn’t so much.

He can talk to May and he can talk to Ned but Peter doesn’t want them to worry so he talks to the stars. The stars won’t worry about him eating dinner or getting home safe. They won’t worry about him having extra cartridges for his webshooters or that everything in his suit is working properly. They don’t worry about his grades or his future. They’re silent and listen to whatever Peter wants to ramble about, it’s what he needs.

* * *

“This guy punched me today. Totally came out of nowhere and got me right in the eye.” Peter’s laid out on his back again just like he was the night before. He held one hand on his right eye, feeling the bruise that was already growing. “Doesn’t really hurt much though. Maybe May won’t freak out this time. Maybe.” Peter’s voice is a little quiet with the last word. “Yeah, right.” He scoffs.

“It was bad again last night.” Peter admits to the listening stars. “Sometimes...I just-just close my eyes to sleep and it all comes back and it’s like I can’t breathe again and everything hurts and my chest feels completely crushed. It’s like I'm under that damn building again and I can’t stand it.” Peter slams his foot against the pavement in frustration. “I did it. I-I lifted it off of me and I made it and I saved Falcon and the city and no one was really hurt and I did it but…” Peter’s eyes drift, scanning over the distant stars. “I didn’t think I was going to make it, really. Like, I should have died. I should have and if-if I didn’t have...any of this, I would have and it’s not like I can tell May and sure Ned knows but I can’t tell him about this. I can’t tell anyone. They’ll think I can’t handle being Spider-Man. I can, honest. It’s just sometimes, ya know, nightmares happen.”

The thing with talking to the stars is that they cannot judge him. They can’t laugh at him for being scared. For reliving the same nightmare over and over, expecting it to kill him the next time around. They don’t ask him questions about it or how he feels about it. Nothing generic. They just listen. They hear him and are there, twinkling against the Queens street lights, their full attention on Peter. There’s comfort in the silence of the stars.

“Okay,” Peter lets out a deep breath. “Enough about that,” Peter checks the time on his phone and it’s just after nine thirty this time. “There’s a girl.” He sighs and a timid smile tugs at the very corner of his mouth. “She’s so pretty.” Peter says. “Sometimes, I don’t think she knows I exist but I know that’s not very logical. We have psychics together so she has to know I exist. But, she doesn’t talk to me, not that I talk to her either.” Peter admits. “But, let me just tell you, her smile is the brightest thing on this entire earth. I mean it. I don’t think anyone could shine brighter and her eyes are breathtaking. Like, I remember the first time I really saw them and I think...I don’t know.” Peter chuckles to himself as his cheeks tint red. “We were in psychics and she raised her hand to answer a question and her eyes just lit up with the answer, like it was really something she knew and she loved and it was like nothing else.”

A text from May comes through, pulling Peter’s thoughts from the girl. May is just checking on him as she does every other night he’s out. Peter’s fingers brush against the keyboard before hitting send and resting the phone back on his stomach.

“May, checking up again.” Peter states with his eyes back on the stars who, to him, seem to be at the edge of their seats waiting for him to continue. “Right, okay, so she’s perfect. Her voice is kind of like this soft and elegant song, something that would be played at a symphony. Beethoven would be jealous of her voice.” Peter closes his eyes for a second, as if to fall into the moment. “And wow, you should hear her laugh. It’s the cutest thing I’ve ever heard. Like, ever. I could listen to her laugh all day and never get tired of it.” Peter’s smile widens as the laugh seems to replay through his ears. “It’s so perfect.” Peter’s voice grows delicate and full of endearment. “But I know what you’re thinking,” Peter points to the sky, his finger still covered in the red fabric of his Spider-Man suit. “I should talk to her, right? That’s what you're thinking. I know it but, I don’t know. She makes me so nervous and I suck at talking.” Thunder rumbles through the sky just as Peter finishes his sentence. “Is that some sort of sign? I thought you were supposed to be quiet up there!” Peter’s words are sarcastic, knowing the city was in for a gnarly storm that night and the clouds were rolling in quickly.

“Guess that means goodnight, huh? Before you start raining down on my parade.” Peter grips his mask as he sits up. “If you’re up there, thanks for listening.” He flashes a smile at the sky and puts his mask over his head before following the same routine he did the night before.

* * *

“Man, I’ve got so much to tell you. You are not gonna believe it.” Peter starts rambling as he rips his mask off his face before even laying down on the same roof he’s been laying on for a year. “It’s crazy.” Peter says, sitting on the pavement and making himself comfortable before laying down, the sky a lighter shade of navy than the night before.

“Okay, first, I went to the shelter and the dog has a family. They’re from Albany I guess so they’re coming to get him. But he has a home so that’s good.” Peter smiles with the thought of the little golden puppy. “Anyway, they let me see him today though so I could say goodbye to him and he was so happy. That family is really lucky. I always wanted a puppy, ya know?” Peter admits. “Maybe one day I can get one or maybe I can convince May. You think I could?” Peter questions, waiting a few seconds before continuing on.

“Anyway, next thing, a nice old man bought me a sandwich today because I helped him home. He had some groceries and he wasn’t walking too great thanks to the rain. He was really nice and he had some crazy stories. I wonder if I’ll ever be like that. Just, ya know, having a lot of stories about everything and anything I can tell strangers? Or maybe kids someday?” Peter scrunches his face. “Okay, okay, I’m thinking too far into that.” Peter waves his hand. “It was a good sandwich though.”

“Now, onto my news because wow. Okay, so I talked to her, the girl I mentioned yesterday with the laugh and the eyes and wow. I talked to her. I told her a joke and she laughed, she really freakin’ laughed and I can’t believe it. She laughed at something I said and it was because she found it funny.” Peter beams, joy radiating from him. “Okay, actually maybe she was laughing at me because the joke was lame but she laughed!” Peter’s teeth show with his face-splitting smile. “It was the most beautiful moment ever and I think my heart stopped for a second.” The stars twinkled with the adornment in Peter’s eyes. “Wow, I just, I can’t believe it. Really, I did that.” Peter’s voice is rushed. “I-I think maybe, I’ll try talking to her again tomorrow, ya know? Ned says I should. He said that if I can make her laugh with one of my lame jokes, I should be in the clear. What do you think?”

Peter checks his phone, swiping a quick reply to May as he waits for the sky to send him some sort of sign but it just listens, waits for Peter to continue his adorable rambling.

“May again, checking in. Think I might head home early today. She’ll be happy to hear that nothing too bad happened which, by the way, she totally freaked with my eye last night but it’s alright now. Okay, yeah, I’m gonna head home but I’ll let you know tomorrow if I talk to her or if I don’t. I don’t know.” Peter says, sitting up and flashing the sky one last smile. “And if you’re up there, thanks for listening.”

* * *

Peter’s feet hit pavement in a soft patter as he rips the mask off his face revealing a bloody lip but a toothy smile. His heart is racing and his adrenaline is pumping as he paces, looking at the sky.

“Wow.” Peter says, the stars almost seem to shine brighter than any other night which, oddly enough, seems very suiting for his mood. “Okay, okay,” Peter takes a deep breath. “First things first, I’m okay.” Peter says. “I ran into a pole on my way here but it’s okay.” Peter wipes the blood from his lip with the back of his fabric covered hand. “I just had to start with that, ya know?” Peter takes a deep breath but continues to pace.

“Right, so uh, nothing really happened today. Helped a kid walk home though. He was lost so I helped him for like an hour and his parents tried to pay me but I can’t take their money. That’s not right.” Peter shakes his head with the absurd gesture. “The kid was fun though. He likes my mask and said he wants to be like Mr. Stark. I think he can do it; I told him that and he looked like he was gonna explode.” Peter beams with the thought of the little kid who looked up to him. “He didn’t think he could, which yeah, Mr. Stark is crazy smart but that doesn't mean little kids shouldn’t try to be like him. He’s incredible. But the kid’s parents were relieved to have him home, I guess they’d been looking for him and called the police and everything.”

“Alright, alright, now I’ve got some news.” Peter stops pacing and takes a seat, crossing his legs and resting his hands behind him to support his weight while his neck is tossed back so his eyes are glued to the navy blue sky. “I talked to her again.” Peter’s mouth tugs into a shameless smile. “Really talked to her and she talked back. Obviously,” Peter furrows his brows. “Obviously she talked back otherwise I wouldn’t have talked. Okay, yeah so we talked and I asked her if she was doing anything tomorrow and she isn’t. Well, she wasn’t.” Peter’s cheeks grow sore from his wide smile. “I asked if she wanted to go for a walk and maybe get a coffee or something and she said yes. Can you believe it?” Peter nearly yells with utter excitement. “She actually said she’d come with me. I swear time stopped for a few seconds. She said yes and her cheeks went red and it was beautiful.” Peter’s words fall with complete awe. “She’s so beautiful with everything she does. And now, I get to see her. Tomorrow. I’m so nervous. But, she said yes.” Peter repeats himself, too focused on the simple response he got earlier that day.

He never imagined that he’d receive an agreement but he did. He took a leap and it certainly paid off. It was risky and his hands were shaking and sweating, terrified of what you’d say but the second your cheeks flushed the simple ‘sure, yeah, okay.’ left your mouth and Peter’s heart leaped from his chest with so much excitement he feared his heart would actually beat out of his chest.

“I hope I don’t mess it up.” Peter’s voice is soft as he starts to lay on the pavement. “She’s different, a good different.” Peter chews on the inside of his cheek. “But, anyway, I’m sure you’re bored of me talking about her. Ned is. He might be even just as happy as I am that I asked her finally.”

“So, anyway,” Peter takes in a reluctant sigh. “Had another nightmare last night.” His brows furrow and the joy he had just minutes earlier seemed to evaporate. “So, I didn’t really sleep. It wasn’t the one where the building falls though. It’s the one with the ferry.” Peter’s eyes nearly mist over with the memory. “It was bad, really bad. A lot of people died and they were all screaming and crying and begging me to help them but I couldn’t put the ferry back together and instead, I was stuck with my webs and my arms felt like they were being ripped from their sockets. It felt real and maybe that’s because it kind of was...kind of but it was...horrible. I hate that dream.” Peter stomps his foot against the pavement. “But, it’s been awhile since I've had that one so I think it’s getting a little better, ya know?”

Peter’s phone vibrates and May wants him home for dinner given it’s Friday and he always eats dinner at home and then goes back out for a second patrol.

“May wants me home. But, besides that damn nightmare, today was amazing and I’m just gonna focus on tomorrow. I have to figure out what I’m gonna wear or what I'm gonna say and do and there’s so much to figure out.” Peter sits back up and runs his thumbs over the fabric of his mask. “Alright,” Peter sighs. “I’ll let you know how it goes tomorrow. Wish me luck, I think we know I need it. And if you’re out there listening, thank you.”


End file.
